Eliza: Accepting Sovereignty and Setting Boundaries
This is a piece that has been gathering slowly at the edge of my consciousness in the past few weeks, especially in the uncomfortable aftermath of a recent change in circumstances for me.
As I am wont to do, I was wondering at the source of my yearning to rejoin and connect with other “spiritual” people, and I began to realize that this is a particular hold-over from past lives when I have lived, successfully and otherwise, in community. These various communities have taken form as nunneries, monasteries, ashrams, religious cooperatives and initiatory temples.
While my spiritual life within this lifetime has largely developed well away from other spiritually minded folk, I have experienced being with and among those who were / are in the process of undergoing their own spiritual journeys.
Being a particularly sensitive being… and for a long while not being aware of my gifts of empathy or appreciating this difference – feeling and experiencing the emotions of other – I was constantly assuming the emotions and pain of those around me. This habit or instinctual response proved detrimental to my health, most especially during my time with a cultish New Age church during the late 1980’s.
A good part of my “problem”, such as it was, was my tendency to take on the pain of others around me. When I didn’t “measure up” to the expectations of those around me or didn’t feel equal to accepting what was being presented to me as “truth”, I turned the judgment of others onto myself into self-judgment and loathing. I wasn’t aware that I had the choice as to whether or not I had to accept the thoughts, opinions and beliefs of others, while overlooking and not listening to my own inner feelings.
In short, I was experiencing a deep inner conflict, between the expectations of the world in which I found myself and my own deep inner knowing that something was not well in this same world.
Through much trial and error, I came to an understanding that I have a strong intuition and I have learned to listen to it… most of the time. Still, there does come a period of testing to make sure that I have thoroughly learned this particular lesson. And that testing sometimes is painful for me and any other individual involved. When I finally awake to the realization that yet again I have succeeded in handing my power over to another, I usually react to the situation by abruptly breaking off further relations. I know that I need to rectify this situation in my own way and arrive at a way of being that involves greater neutrality and acceptance of the stances of other people, without completely rejecting what they are presenting.
This is a particularly difficult teeter-totter lesson for an empathic and ultra-sensitive individual to learn, but I am endeavoring to do my best. Coming into a profound realization for the need to cultivate a true and lasting unconditional acceptance of self has been my first step. Working with Quan Yin and her Karuna Compassion (OM MANI PADME HUM) and the Violet Flame, of whom she is one representative, is another step for me.
As we are all discovering, individually and as a collective, our spiritual paths are more individual this time around. It may be that communities form in the future, but until individuals are willing and able to do their own internal cleansing and clearings… as well as taking sole responsibility for their reactions to “other”, these communities will be difficult places in which to live.
Some of us are therefore compelled by our sensitive natures and need for privacy and space for much self-reflection to live alone, at least at this point in our individual journeys. I have learned well to thrive on my own, enjoying the creative space that isolation allows. It is more of a challenge for me to exist in the company of others.
There will come a time when the energies that exist within will equate to allowing community to grow in a manner that is compatible for the needs of the individual as well as the collective; wherein the individual will not be forced or compelled to submit to the needs, wants and belief systems of well-meaning individuals, but will be able to move rhythmically with the ebb and flow of their creativity into oneness while still retaining a strong sense of individuality and diversity.
For myself, I hope this new way of being will manifest quickly upon this planet, as living alone can be difficult and lonely at times. I know that many like me, also feel the pangs of living alone and feeling unaccepted as individuals.
Our world is changing very quickly and it is up to each person to take responsibility for how they choose to adapt to the relatively chaotic energies and appearances, all the while being calm and centered within, in the world but not of it.
A spiritual journey is not without challenges. A peaceful existence can and will be disturbed, for there are always tests of our abilities to open to spirit and to allow the expansion of our consciousness without pulling back and retreating into fearful reaction.
So we can still overreact sometimes and pull back suddenly from another person’s energies; that will happen until we are able to steadfastly but gently succeed in communicating our needs and maintaining discrete but firm boundaries when those needs are unheard and disrespected.
As we come into a sense of self-acceptance and self-appreciation, we will be able to extend that feeling towards all individuals with whom we come in contact, respecting them as they are, and not trying to change or judge them for not meeting our expectations of what they should be like.
As children, many of us were expected to uphold the beliefs of our parents, friends and companions. When we began to awake up to our true inner selves, we changed and accordingly some people reacted negatively to those changes as being a judgment and a threat to their own beings. This has been the way in a very disorienting and unbalanced society where much has been hidden and where much presented as truth is actually lies. We KNOW this intuitively so have been thoroughly confused by the mixed messages being received, from both outer and inner sources.
Now, we collectively have the opportunity to absorb more information available via the world-wide web than was previously available to any other generation for thousands of years. We can make our own choices and seek our own healing. This time is unique and a divine opportunity given to those who choose to free themselves from self-inflicted pain and suffering. It is a time for some of us to move back into unity consciousness and to rise above the conflicting messages of duality.
As we re-integrate with our inner divinity, we come to realize that we have never been separate from Source or from each other. What one suffers, all suffer. What one resolves is resolved for those who accept the healing through their own hearts. We appear to be individuals, each upon their own journey, but in truth, we are working together, collectively, at higher levels than most of can access in our day-to-day consciousness. Yet, we know that we are making a difference in the world as now it is finally being reflected in the outer world that exists around us.
So… step by step, I gain in strength and determination, freeing up energy that was locked into pain and suffering and allowing that same energy to manifest through creative endeavors.
We do what we can… for we are truly eternal and powerful beings capable of great things if we but remember and allow and accept that as Truth.
In coming into an awareness of my own unique qualities, I can also begin to accept the difference that exists between myself and others is natural. It is perfectly natural to be unique and different as I AM what Source created me to be. Each individual soul has been given a unique set of DNA codes. And as we begin to move into acceptance of our reunion with Source energy, our outer being reflects that inner unique wholeness… that may or may not be acceptable to the old energies, but are wholly accepted to what you are here to be and express, your inmate divinity. You were created to be different and that is okay. Accept and relish this awareness and rejoice in the endless diversity that is available upon this wondrous world as we all move into great synchronicity with both our individual uniqueness and our collective awareness as ONE. Each of us is a note in a universal symphony. Let that singular note ring clear and blend together with others in effortless unison.
Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself and your reflection in others. Let go of the pain and suffering and come into oneness and clarity with the knowledge that you are already Whole and aligned with the Will of your Creator. The Kingdom of God exists within. You are God.
© All Rights Reserved, Eliza Ayres, http://www.bluedragonjournal.com