Journal Entry 06.18.2016 – Incubation
This past month has gone by in a blur, hour fading into hour and day into day until I’m losing all sense of time. Or more precisely, I am releasing the hold that time has had upon me.
The article below by Matt Kahn (see link) addresses much of what I have been undergoing, but I will strive to put it into my own words and manner of expression.
Last weekend found me and a friend moving our belonging from the storage units in South Carolina to Florida. At least now what little remains to me will be within reach, allowing me to continue to sort through things and to have access to both art gear and gardening tools.
My latest living arrangement allows me to get outside to do garden clean-up and mowing, tasks that get me outside in nature, although the steamy Florida rainy season heat can be a challenge. Still, I find being outside under the spreading oak trees to be relaxing to my tender nerves.
As Matt Kahn so eloquently puts it, I, among others, am currently undergoing a re-calibration of my nervous system. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve experienced an up welling of ancient emotions, seemingly in response to recent occurrences in my circumstances. There has been a gamut of emotions, including the sensation of being profoundly depressed, followed by tears, self-pity, anger and irritation…
It wasn’t until last night, while taking a walk in the humid evening air, that I felt a sudden and very profound sense of peace… and even joy. I delighted in the simple things around me, the residential area, the gardens, the occasional neighbor acknowledging me with a nod and so. However, what most stirred my heart was simply being here and enjoying what was presented, without conditions or judgment. When I returned to the house, a friend remarked on the peace that she saw on my countenance.
In recent months, I have not been listening well within. There comes a time when you need to go into a place where only rest and withdrawal will aid in allowing the body, mind and heart to heal and meld. So, the Universe has conspired to put me into a place and position where I would be, more or less, compelled to rest or at least move at a much slower pace.
Since I do not yet have a car, I have been walking to the grocery store. I sometimes take a couple of walks during the day. My body is changing, firming up, with all the exercise, but also in response to the opportunity to truly heal from previous trauma and stress.
As the ancient emotions and thought-forms are released, my physical body is also undergoing its own purging. Waves of heat go through me; different chakras fire off and release. My human ego is not in charge of this process, but taking a back seat, that of being the natural protector of my physical vehicle. Yet now I feel very safe and able to expand slowly into a new way of being that has not quite taken shape in my life. I feel on the verge of something wondrous. New creative urges are arising, as well as the yearning to enjoy being outside and exploring bit by bit this strange new world of mine.
I am aware of some of the recent headlines, yet the news does not seem to affect my emotional being. I have completely detached from the need to judge what is happening as negative or positive; it simply is experience for those who are currently undergoing their own transitions.
Whether or not I am clearing for others through these trying times does not even concern me. I am simply being. I am simply accepting and releasing what comes up into my immediate experience and allowing for deep healing to take place within.
It has been said of me that I have been a warrior for many lifetimes. The desire to save and defend no longer grips me; I have let it go.
Others who have recently met me say that I have a soft, gentle, calming energy, with a strong feminine presence. They feel “happy” when near me.
Whatever is true or untrue, I do know that I feel calmer and more at peace within than I have for a long time. It is as if I am coming to know myself and to become more Whole in my own presence. I am no longer living someone else’s dream or attempting to appease the desire of another to change me to suit their needs. As I allow myself to heal and let go of outside pressures and demands, I feel ever more content to just be.
I know that I am undergoing a passage, a period of transition. And it is one that is similar to that being experienced by other Wayshowers (if I may call myself one now).
I am starting on my fifth year of writing this blog and so much has changed. I am not the same person as when I started out in 2012. I am no longer doing any channeling and not even writing as much. I do not feel compelled to write to satisfy the needs of my readers… as much as I appreciate their continued support and encouragement.
It would appear that I am falling apart, being remade and reconstituted into a new form. As we move gradually into the New World, we occasionally experience glimpses and moments of unity consciousness. That is what I felt last night while walking through a humid Florida neighborhood before sunset.
The New World is already here, but it is a “place” or dimension that can only be reached by those who have allowed for clearing and healing to occur. It has been said that the time for clearing has ended for some. I do know that now any clearing that occurs is more in the manner of simply acknowledging the shadow substance that comes up and letting it go. There is no room for judgment, although I still find myself (my ego) wanting to accuse and blame others for what I am currently experiencing.
Since the experience is not altogether unpleasant, I can thank my own decisions, actions and that of others for placing me where I now find myself… a stranger in a strange land.
At this moment, I cannot say just how long I will remain in Florida. I miss the cool nights and flowers of the northern climes. I hope to have my own garden and dwelling in the future. I want to do a lot of art work and a bit of traveling. Yet, now I rest and am content to do so and seek my own company for the most part so I might have the opportunity to hear the still small voice within when guidance arrives to guide my next steps.
Peace always exists within, but one must trust and release all fear and stress in order to truly feel and connect with the blessed sensation that is “home” to the sensitive soul. So, I am releasing all need to strive and prove myself and yet, in doing so, will release the bonds of self-judgment that have prevented me from exercising my natural gifts.
During this period of healing, I may be writing less. It just depends on what and how I am feeling. Meanwhile, I send greetings to my readers. Thank you for four amazing years on this humble blog.
Photo Credit: Canna, taken in Costa Rica… although they also grow well in Florida with its subtropical heat.
2012-16, All Rights Reserved, Elizabeth Ayres Escher, http://www.bluedragonjournal.com