Eliza: On Transitions and Transcendence
The dog days of August are upon us, literally… as the great Star of Sirius rises in the dawn to mark the beginning of a New Year.
We’ve had a long heat wave this week. We had three days where temperatures exceeded three digits and a couple more of upper ‘90’s. I haven’t been sleeping well the last couple of nights, whether due to the heat or something else; I can’t really say. I was tired enough and feeling slightly nauseous this morning so came home early from work.
Yes, I am re-blending with Higher Self, but still I have bad days. Today I crashed and burned, having a difficult interview with a volatile young inmate. It was enough to handle on a good day; when I was not feeling well, it was a complete strain. I had to terminate the interview since the inmate was getting verbally abusive, something that is apparently quite common for him. At the moment, I completely dropped into 3D thinking and acting. And left after having a short discussion with the offender’s mental health provider. Yes, this job can be a challenge.
Yet, one of my friends pointed out that the inmate was acting out in anger due to a deep underlying fear. It would take a long time to work with such a person to be able to penetrate that fear and that’s not in my job description. I thought once that I would enjoy being a counselor, but perhaps not here…
When I told myself that I had crashed and burned, I turned to my little rose quartz pendulum that I consult on occasion to verify hunches. What I asked may surprise you, which may explain why I was feeling so disorganized today. Today was the anniversary of my plane crash in France, many, many years ago. When I died as the result of a femoral artery bleed-out due to being hit by shrapnel.
Besides that realization… I have also been fielding some intense anger and grief over the failure of my one marriage in this lifetime. I may have written elsewhere that my husband, who died prematurely at age 59 of cancer, became one of my spiritual guides some years after his passing.
Folks tend to think that their spritual guides know more than they do. I’m telling you that that isn’t always the case. Sometimes they become a guide for the sake of their own learning. And in his case, it was to make up for his failure to live up to his promise to care for me while I was with him. After we got married, he stopped talking to me. I know a lot of women who suffer with husbands just like this.
Despite his intelligence, David was emotionally repressed and didn’t know how to comfortably share his feelings with me. He finally connected with another lady where he could, but she was married to another person (which probably made it safe for David). That was enough for me. I was crushed that he couldn’t feel comfortable enough around me to do the same. This all happened in my thirties. I’ve grown a lot since then.
What I was experiencing at the time of our marriage was a spiritual break-through. During those years, I first encountered spiritual healing. I underwent a psychic surgery from a gentleman from the Philippines. I was told that I had great light. And I went to my first channeling sessions. I was encountering marvelous things and it frightened the beJesus out of my husband. Over 30 years ago, I was an awakening light-worker although that term hadn’t even been hatched yet.
So, why the lingering grief and anger. Well, I still love the man. I never remarried, not because of any outgrown devotion to a dead cause, but simply because no other person that I met accepted me for what and who I AM. I simply wasn’t going to give myself over to a lover or husband and then be stomped again emotionally.
The amateur psychologists out there might say it was because I never met the right person or I was too picky… or perhaps to resistant to surrendering fully and opening to love.
Sorry, it wasn’t any of those things. I met some interesting guys through the years, some of whom went on to marry nice ladies. If I was at all vaguely interested in them, they weren’t interested in me. And if they were interested in me, I was repelled by them. Except for one male friend locally who has assisted me with home projects and gone camping and hiking with me a time or two, there are no men who are even close to me at all.
It is as if there is a ring-pass-not erected around me, which has been frustrating until I finally began to understand its purpose over a year ago.
I wasn’t meant to have a relationship while I was in the process of coming into alignment with Self. That was the message my body was sending me all this time. I willfully ignored it or misread it, but there it was the reason for my automatic reaction of repulsion when touched by a male other than in the most neutral of settings.
Before, the timing wasn’t right nor was I in the right frame of mind to receive the answer to the question that I had been asking for years, “Why am I alone?” And I was seeing and yearning for relationship in the time-worn 3D manner… wanting someone physical to cling to for support and protection. We need to learn to love self rather than seek to depend on someone else to make up for our perceived inadequacies.
While many light-workers serve alone in their communities because we are spread thinly across the face of the planet, there was still another reason waiting for me in the wings… until that time when I was ready to understand and to appreciate the tremendous patience of Sanat Kumara and my uncle, Lord Adrigon, for their perseverance in attempting to reach me all these years.
I have known of my connection to Venus for 20 years, after the onset of my entity-induced psychosis. I just “knew” it and the years have proven that connection to me over and over. Knowledge of my connection to the Pleiades came much later, only a couple of years ago when I was confirmed as a Pleiadian starseed. Just what was the connection between those two very different cultures (not that I knew much about either one at the time!)?
The answer to that question came just this spring along with the sure knowledge that I was here to serve the planet and humanity during the ascension period before us.
The new paradigm is undergoing a brilliant and sometimes difficult birth. It takes beings with insight, dynamic personalities and such to become involved in exposing the dying paradigm and all that has nearly brought this world to the brink of destruction. And there will be still others who are living demonstrations on how to live as a light worker or being of the New Earth.
Now I realize that speaking of my relatives from 6D, etc., may make some people uneasy or even jealous, don’t be. I am fully aware that I am a multidimensional Being, with existence in many dimensions.
Ascension is step by step. Life is day by day. If we allow our imagination to hang out too far our feet may not be able to catch up with them. The key to creating a new world is balance. Use the imagination to see the big picture and then go back and design the individual steps that will take you there by allowing your intent and focus to get you there, with grace and ease. That means allowing yourself to dream and then let the dream take shape in unexpected ways. In other words, release your need to control the outcome so the Universe can surprise you.
As a daughter of Venus, I carry a rare form of Love within, one that is detached and strong, as well as gentle and enfolding, simultaneously. I let you go so you can grow into your own beauty. And I enfold you in my Heart so you feel the connection through me to Source. That same Love would not be survivable in a normal human relationship. Not for me.
I am One who, throughout many varied lifetimes, has served in Love and will continue to do so through the Grace of the Divine Mother, who is Mother to us all.
All Right Reserved, Eliza Ayres, http://www.bluedragonjournal.com