Journal Entry 03.02.2014
It looks like I’m going through another period of integration, although it is difficult to put into words. I guess I just need to allow myself to fall apart a little, release a lot and go with the flow of the energies.
The world or at least part of it has exploded into seeming chaos again, with protests in South America, SE Asia, and a confusing wantabe war in the Ukraine, being stimulated by cabal forces. I find myself looking at these disturbances and feeling little concern. They are not part of my world.
At times drama attempted to engage my attention and interaction in my daily world, but again I was able to be serene and even happy, allowing the drama to occur without being enmeshed within it.
Our weather continues to be wintery, with light snow and freezing rain, interspersed with warmer rainfall as Pacific fronts continue to batter the coastline and move inland. An inch of snow fell this weekend, just lending a bit of slipperiness to the roads and sidewalks, but appears to be melting.
Like the melting snow, I have felt waves of emotion moving through me this past week, but, again, have allowed it, choosing not to examine or attach a reason for the experience but to simply let it be. The emotions, like waves in a pond, dissipated on their own, without any effort on my part.
What I appear to be going through right now seems to be quite subtle. I am in the process of letting go of long-held dreams and expectations, of myself and others. I am becoming more comfortable with accepting my inner power and wisdom, able to act or not act in the moment, in accordance to the need. I have learned to speak up for myself and not to be concerned with how other people might perceive me.
This morning I had a dream where I was in a house and the door was shut and locked so I couldn’t get out. I merely turned around, found another door, went through it, found some empty rooms, kept going and finally came to the garage, opened the door and stepped out into freedom.
Later in the dream, I was with a large group of people who were in quite a celebratory mood. I kept feeling like I was going to be a leader, but it wasn’t quite time, so I watched and participated, singing snatches of opera (!) and chants. We started down a hill. I was enjoying the music, especially one large man in the rear of the group who was singing with a deep bass voice part of “The Marriage of Figaro” operetta by Mozart. When we got to the bottom of the hill, we entered a room where there was a display of artwork. I went around looking at stuff and finally found a painting that I really liked, one with a large tiger and a man sitting on the ground together in harmony.
Today is a chore day, since I didn’t really accomplish much in the way of activity yesterday. As a great-aunt of mine used to say, I had a Miss Kinkaid day, resting, recuperating and integrating. Allow moments to do that yourself, treating yourself with compassion, as the changes are coming fast and heavy these days. We need to allow time for our bodies to catch with the rest of us.
Sometimes, we just need to be willing to let go and smell the flowers in life…