Eliza: On Being Vulnerable

Forest Walk

Eliza: On Being Vulnerable

Going on two weeks ago, I had a Timeline Clearing Session with Master Thoth (via Meleiresse of Walking Terra Christa). The releasing of what was brought up during that session is still going on. Or I am more sensitive to what is occurring in terms of clearing just below the surface of my awake consciousness.

Last night, while listening to a beautiful channeling from Lord Adama (High Priest, Telos, Lemuria, beneath Mt. Shasta) I started crying. It was a deep… or at least for me, deep release. At the moment it didn’t make any sense to my rational mind, but I went with it. I’ll have to re-listen to the message although it also seemed that Adama was speaking directly to me.

What seems to be emerging into the light is many centuries worth of a complicated set of emotions and thought forms, primarily dealing with being a protector and warrior, deep grief in the loss of those who I protected, guilt and shame, feeling on the edge of society not being accepted… and so on. I was feeling out of sorts with the “group energy”. These are very old energies that I have dealt with during this lifetime and probably many others. They’re probably ones felt by a lot of light workers although sometimes we don’t like to admit it, as if by doing so we are admitting that we don’t love ourselves enough to “get over” the pain, discomfort and angst.

There has also a profound sense of betrayal that has surfaced recently, perhaps due to the deeds of those who I was put over to protect and defend. I will say this, years ago, I remembered the ending of my lifetime previous to this one. I died in WWII due to wounds received when the bomber I was flying was hit by German fire and crashed in NE France. I even met one of my former crew in this lifetime, a friend, who I recognized as being my navigator and was able to escape the burning plane before I crash-landed it. He was later killed while working for the French underground. I wasn’t so lucky, being too severely wounded and fainting after dragging myself out of the wreck. I woke up to see German rifles pointed at me.

Years before I remembered that particular lifetime, I visited the UK. I recognized the south of England as being familiar to me and experienced aha moments throughout the island, even into Scotland. That particular trip brought up both pain and joy for me. It was all quite exhausting for me as I struggled with my extreme sensitivity to the energies that I was encountering in Britain. Only Iona felt “clear” to me and it was a blessing.

Why am I sharing this? It is apparently a wound that has not quite healed and there are other issues related to it, as to how I currently see myself as living in a female body. Frankly I’ve been uncomfortable being a female in this “culture” where we are not meant to accept our bodies as being beautiful no matter what shape they’re in or how many silver hairs we have on our head. There has always been a need embedded in our Western culture to strive to be different than what you are, instead of reaching for acceptance and a willingness to grow and develop naturally.

Being a female in this culture with a lot of male energy makes one a bit different than what is accepted by societal mores. So what’s new for the mostly androgynous beings who call themselves light-workers, star seeds, etc.? We know that we’re more than just a body, because many of us “remember” being elsewhere, as either gender, different races, from assorted cultures and even planets, galaxies and universes.

So I can go out on a hike by myself, primarily because I enjoy being in the woods where I can be alone with the flowers, with the wind, the butterflies and animals that I encounter. I am seldom fearful in the woods. I have encountered coyote, moose, bear, elk, deer, rattlesnakes, range cattle and what have you. Nature feeds my senses and I would spend more time out there but for the lack of physical vitality that I have experienced in recent years. That seems to finally be changing. I still manage to get out on walks and mostly valley pounders to keep a foot in and do a lot of photography while out, some of which I have shared on this blog.

I love beauty and little creatures, but I’m not what you would call a sentimental person. Sentiment is not what I know as love, only an empty substitute. I have felt love emanating from others and echoing in my own heart center. I can discern the difference.

I am allowing more awareness of my strengths and what some people would deem weaknesses, as I grow my self-acceptance and love of self. My confidence levels have increased greatly in the last couple of years, but there is still room for growth. And thing, is the acceptance of my gifts, inner wisdom and intelligence. However, I don’t feel I am at the level when I can serve others with a fully-opened heart. It’s opening, but not completely unconditional as yet — just being honest with myself and with you, my readers.

While growing up, it wasn’t considered “cool” to be intelligent. Why ever not if having “brains” could get you a decent job or career, which was acceptable and expected of males when I was younger. And being artistic (I had an art degree) wasn’t considered quite the thing with people intent on hiring workers for their offices. I was a blip on the screen, a UFO and consequently an outsider during much of my work life.

I’m still working in a difficult environment and have actually been accepted, to a degree, for my intelligence. However, people do still under-estimate me constantly as from the outside they cannot sense the warrior within.

So where is this taking me? A couple of journal entries ago, I wrote of leaving the warrior behind. Well, this morning, I discovered that the warrior is in the process of being integrated within. The warrior is the source of my strength, power and will, the masculine energy of my being. It is an energy that I have both kept hidden and also depended on…resulting in a puzzling mix of an overtly quiet person with a strong sense of independence, who is growing more comfortable with making herself heard by others.

Still, there are moments when the old insecurities surface. So I am letting them be felt and then releasing them, not hanging onto the pain or emotional hooks that might draw me into creating something I would rather not repeat.

It is time to cease being afraid of the skeletons in our closets. It is time to do the spring-cleaning and air out the dark corners of our subconscious mind. I need to learn to accept that what has appeared dark and unappealing to me and certainly to others may, in fact, hold the very gifts that I will use in the New World. So, honestly, I can’t “feel” that we’ve or rather “I” have made it to the New World quite yet, but I’m working on it. I do feel the energies and “see” some things, more than some, less than others. Each of our experiences of this transitional period is going to and has been very, very different, unique to each individual.

I feel it is very important for me, at least, not to feel obligated to be caught up by the wave of having to act out something I’m not feeling just to fit in, again. Not there, yet, folks. I am a forerunner, but perhaps not a frontrunner, LOL.

So, with Valentine’s Day coming up and a recently developed sensitivity to eating things chocolate, I think I’m going to skip the need to demonstrate what is generally deemed a loving presence. If I don’t feel it, I’m not going to fake it.

I am Love and a person in the process of getting to know herself in the fullness of her being and expression, in balance, with grace and power. Love is powerful and the basis of creation. It is not sentiment, so you can forget the cards, the hearts, the mushy greetings and the chocolate.

Perhaps I just need a hug or better yet, a massage. Certainly my energy is feeling a little bristly or maybe I’m just developing cabin fever after a long stressful winter with weeks of foggy, sub-zero weather. I think a few people can relate after experiencing the recent intense weather patterns across the globe.

Transitions and changes are here, massive and in your face; what you do with them is your choice. I chose to go forth into the dawn and courageously face whatever confronts me. It is there that the tests happen; the challenges are met and overcome. It is there you meet yourself as you come into full acceptance of what you have been, what you are today and what you can become in potential. You are all of these in the Now.

Enough for now, dear ones as I’m still sorting out what I am feeling and working through. It’s sometimes difficult to put into words. A suitable analogy might be seeing yourself in a small boat on a large ocean, moving up and down the huge swells. Now you’re up and then you’re down. My moods have been as volatile to the point where I feel I’m slightly bipolar… although they dissipate quickly enough when I become engaged in a project. Such an adventure!



Copyright © 2012-19 by Eliza Ayres. All Rights Reserved. Permission is given to copy and distribute this material, provided the content is copied in its entirety and unaltered from its written form, is distributed freely, and this copyright notice and links are included. https://bluedragonjournal.com/

Photo: Trail in the Central Cascades from http://www.nwhikers.net

15 thoughts on “Eliza: On Being Vulnerable

  1. It’s been Lovely reading all your stories, they are helping me on my journey and bring me much joy.
    With your journey on the boat with the swell of the ocean going up and down, the waves do keep coming in an even flow so just when you think the wave might tip the boat over, another wave comes and rightens it.. Look at the stars, gather your warrior strength and set a course for shore, your in the right. boat, have the perfect crew and you will reach there, for Now, pleasant sailing and Much Love to you ❤

    • I’m actually a pretty good sailor, those few times I’ve been in a boat or ocean-going ferry. Just feeling the angst right now and not at all depressed, which seems contradictory, but true. I know I’m “on the way” and that I will get “there”… in fact, I AM already there. Paradox. Thanks for your love and encouragement.

  2. I SO appreciate your writing….we’re actually walking (stumbling, tripping, sometimes skipping) such a similar path/route….and your expressing here helps ME see many feelings i’m having with a bit more clarity–because of You sharing. I’m with you in oh so many ways…thank you for being you…..

  3. Dear Eliza, I remember hearing, a long time ago, something I was told was from the Upanishads, if I remember correctly: “I am the sky, and the nest as well.”

    I always thought it meant something about being the small I AM and the Source I Am.

    But also, it evokes for me a feeling about how we are integrating all these energies. I’m so moved to read that you are integrating the warrior energies.

    I feel myself pondering the loss of Lemuria, the downfall of Atlantis, the destruction of the planet that is now the asteroid belt …. the terrible losses that have apparently been experienced. Maybe these griefs and losses have been experienced by us. I feel sometimes as if all experience is open to me. There is nothing I can rightly refuse, is what I feel at times.

    I find I can say sincerely, in imagination, to everyone, “I love you with all my heart.” This is a prelude, I think, to being open-hearted in daily life. I’m starting to recognize it, feel it — and definitely I have made a commitment to it.

    The poets are right. “The world stands out on either side, no wider than the heart is wide” — “we come from God, who is our home, trailing clouds of glory.”

    There is an inner transformation going on in everyone right now that is sort of unimaginable, and we feel it. Your writings are like the leaves swirling that reveal the action of the wind.

    Thank you as always. Your sharing helps me to see where we are. I’m pretty disoriented.

    The survival mind continues to try to assert that its solutions are the only way. But I’ve chosen the path of Soul and Heart.

    I see now that I AM not my survival mind. This may have been a huge breakthrough point. It’s true that I don’t have any reference points for what I’m feeling.

    Nowadays, I’m applying the statement from Karen Doonan: “Be what you want to see in the world, without expectation.” I also keep going back to my dreams — for a creative life, in which we all have enough to live safely, and in which our wild desires for love, belonging. creativity, invention, goodness, beauty, music, color, expression, participation, meaning and so much more — are all available.

    I would love to listen to a beautiful channeling from Lord Adama. Would it be ok to say where you heard this channeling?

    much love, Sarah

    • Thank you for your thoughtful comments. Regarding Lord Adama, he works directly with Meleiressee and Mike at Walking Terra Christa. As you must know, Adama resides in Telos, a Lemurian city located beneath Mt. Shasta. Mel and Mike have relocated to Mt. Shasta, a small town at the foot of the mountain. You can see on the Walking Terra Christa website all about the various channeled pieces available. Lord Adama also holds a monthly teleconference and speaks directly to each participant. It’s quite unique; he’s very compassionate and encouraging. Anyway, check it out if you want to. Much love to you, Eliza

      P.S. A lot of other spiritually-oriented folk are being attracted to the Mt. Shasta environs. As the purported Root chakra of the planet, it holds an important place in reactivating the ley lines, the potency of the planet and our reunion with our Lemurian sisters and brothers.

      Here’s another source about Lord Adama:


  4. Bright Blessings to you!
    I am always touched by your posts. It seems that our paths have many similarities. I recently uncovered my last life and it was working in the French resistance (WW ll )…..got caught by the Germans & felt like I let everyone down. I wasn’t as strong as I thought & felt very responsible for breaking down. It brought up that pattern in this life, for release, hopefully for good.
    After being a psychiatric nurse for 40 years, I hung up my license and started uncovering what was under “the nurse”. At times I laugh at my desire to run back into the “known insanity” . I like your forerunner maybe not a frontrunner line….. I have caught myself comparing my experiences to others and wanted something else, but i keep going back into what is congruent for me and that being enough.
    Today, issues of power came up for me, afraid of not being powerful & giving away my power. Now is probably the best time for women to ever reclaim their power, maybe there is a large group of souls working on that now.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings & truth. It truly does help to hear of others experiences!
    Love & Light,

    • Thanks, Karen. Wow, 40 years as a Psych nurse? Staying power, lady!

      It is a great time for women to reclaim their power. Doesn’t mean it will be easy, but there are a lot of women throughout the world, races, cultures and nations who are doing just that, and not many of them are even aware of a “New World” as a possibility. The movement is coming from Spirit and moving through each of us.

      Love & Light, Eliza

  5. I can relate to your story, walking alone in nature is second nature to me, even in the city I now live in, where I escape to the large arboretum. My gifts of sensitivity can be obfuscated because I, too, run more male energy than people can handle at times, and I have had to have my own back in situations where I would have liked more support. I so enjoy the way you share your unfolding insights and challenges relating to the external world (thinking of the recent issues at your workplace). These waves we are encountering certainly are strong, and I find that trying to anticipate them leaves me high and dry, while surrendering and going with the flow brings me to new shores. Nice to know there are kindred spirits experiencing similar things. Peace.

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