On Being Highly Sensitive
by Eliza Ayres
Western culture has not always appreciated the highly sensitive among us. I should know since I am one of the 15 to 20% of the population often mistaken as being “shy”, socially inept or socially backward. While I thought myself shy for many years, I have since found out different. I’m merely different. As I learn to accept what I am, I’ve grown more comfortable with being just who I am, without apologies to anyone.
The highly sensitive are just that, sensitive to loud noises, smells, strong emotions, confrontation and clutter. I feel more comfortable doing something alone than attending a party. As I have gotten older, I have learned that I require more alone time just to unwind from a day at work. I seek solace like many others seek company. I find my own company quite enough, especially when in the woods, hiking or camping.
For many years I didn’t understand what was wrong with me; then, I finally figured out that there wasn’t anything wrong with me. That someone can be different and be quite normal is not usually presented as an option in our western society. I have lived without television, cellphones and loud music for years and find no lack in my life. I would prefer to read, garden, hike and work with my hobbies, painting and photography.
Something in the 1990’s, I ran across a book called “Are you Highly Sensitive?” I read with some curiosity and was gratified to discover that there were other people like myself. Yet once I knew this, I didn’t depend on the book or its companion volumes that followed as guides on how to comport myself. For that, I have always used my feelings as a measure. Early on, even in the 1980’s I became aware that I was highly intuitive.
Once I was hiking on my own in a state park outside of Spokane. It was mid-Autumn, in November. The weather was rapidly changing and clouds were building up in the sky. I had parked my car outside the park boundary as the main entrance was closed. I followed an old road above the main canyon and then dropped down on unmarked side trails until reaching the main trail along the creek. Going upstream, I stopped as I saw a sudden movement on the far side of the creek; there was a wild mink. It looked at me for a few moments. Then, suddenly, I felt a kind of “click” in my head; I just knew that somehow I needed to return to my car, that the weather was changing. I started back. Within 200 feet of the car the rain started to come down very hard. Somehow I “felt” a change in the air pressure and was able to keep myself from getting too wet.
Other events happened during the next couple of years. At one point, while walking to work, I suddenly knew that I would be moving in a short time. Within two weeks, I had moved back to Seattle. I started to get in touch with my intuition. In fact, it was almost like I was receiving some kind of instruction — follow your intuition no matter what. I learned later that intuition is how our guides speak to us, through the vehicle of the body. It is up to us to learn to decipher the non-verbal language of intuition.
Years later, I was driving my car up a forest road above the Hood Canal. It was spring, but snow was falling as it will sometimes when a cold front goes through that particular area. The snow was coming down quite heavily, covering the steep road. Unfortunately, I had taken off the snow tires of my car a couple weeks before, so the road surface was getting very slick. About half mile further up the road and I began to feel like I was sick; my “gut” was aching. I knew that I had to stop the car and turn around. I was concerned what my companions would think, but knew that turning back was the safest thing for us to do. So I carefully turned the car around. I found out later that the area where we would have parked for the hike was down a very steep side road; it would have been impossible to get out with the snow coming down as heavily as it was. We later found another hike on the coast where there was no snow and a good day was held by all.
A couple of years later, I received a letter from one of my sisters. I did not need to open it to realize that the letter contained some negative news for me. Indeed it did. The incident proved to be one of the first where my immediate and extended family and I began to go our separate ways.
For a long time I did not understand what was going on in my life that would cause such things to happen; I just responded at the moment as best I could. It wasn’t until within the last five years or so that I began to read things about the Indigo children, crystals and finally about ascension. Then, just this past spring, I began to realize that I was a starseed. This was the truth of why I was different. Although I had a genetic bloodline from the indigenous population of this planet (human beings of planet Earth) I also had an additional genetic connection to my Star Family. In knowing this, I began to understand in greater detail why my life had taken the direction it did which was so different from my own family, neighbors and co-workers. I had a purpose in being here, now, and it had nothing to do with the continuation of my Earth bloodline.
While I was married for a short time in the 1970’s, the relationship did not last very long. I was growing and exploring new avenues of spirituality, energy work and metaphysics, lines of inquiry that fascinated me and frightened my husband. Although we both were very devoted to our outdoor activities, we could not find common ground with my new interests. I needed to grow; my husband was not willing to, so I decided to leave the marriage.
Of course, I was unprepared to feel the depression and grief that descended upon me when I finally received the divorce papers. Still, I had made a decision and had to stick by it. Although I did not realize it at the time, marriage and children would not be a part of my future. I have remained single ever since, failing to discover anyone suitable and then finally coming to the realization, that marriage was not what I was here for. I had a mission and needed to concentrate on that. I was quite aware that many people would not understand my position and decisions. Still, I had to be true to my self.
Through the years, I have had visions of a sort, if “feeling” a vision can be considered one. I do have clairsentience. I have become aware that I am highly sensitive to other people’s energy when their attention is focused on me. For instance, I have a friend in England with who I am in almost daily contact. If I am not too preoccupied with a project, I can usually tell when he is writing an email to me. And as I have started publishing this blog, I find the same thing happening with some of the readers and commenters. I can feel their energy, positive or negative, as they read the materials on the blog or any of the other places my work has been posted. Of course, I cannot sort out just who is writing or reading the material, but sometimes I can if I am familiar with the person through previous correspondence.
And I certainly pick up on the material written by commenters who are having some difficulty understanding the material. For that reason, I will remove comments that do not resonate with me. It is nothing personal when I do this; I am simply removing something that doesn’t agree with me. See it like pruning an errant limb from a tree or removing a portion of a painting that doesn’t work. It is a process of discrimination and self-determination of what resonates. I realize by doing this I will potentially offend some readers, but I have come to know what I need and that comes first and foremost; I will respect others space when visiting their blogs and reading their writings, as well.
Questions are one thing. I will answer a few, but I do not want to be and do not consider myself a teacher at this point in my life. I am merely a person who is undergoing the ascension process. I have taken it upon myself to share some of my experiences, but my experiences and life is going to be very different from those people who are just coming online. This is not a criticism on my part of the newly awakened; far from it. It is merely that I incarnated in the first wave of lightworkers and star seeds that embodied after World War II; I’ve been on the path, in one way or another, all my life. It is what I came here for. It is why I am more sensitive in nature than many of the full-bloodied humans on this planet; I have a slightly different genetics, but I am one of you. I have grown up in this environment. I have incarnated many times here in different cultures, races and time periods, for a purpose – to further the light quotient of the planet so it could return to the Light. Also, it is important that each individual learn to follow their own inner teacher, not someone like me. My writings are simply my way of expressing what I have learned. See me as an example, not a rule.
There are those who have questioned my use of metaphysical or at least quasi-metaphysical terms such as “I AM Presence”, etc. I come from a dimension where things spiritual are as natural as breathing is here. When I encountered such things during my life, I rejoiced; I did not turn away or wonder what my friends thought about me reading a book on shamanism or the Goddess religions or anything. I had the curiosity and the courage to explore what was not generally accepted by “society”. It did not matter to me, since I was different already. For me it was not a matter of being different as it was a matter of being “me”, being true to myself and following the intuitive nudges that took me in many different directions. I slowly began to realize that I was receiving a quick overview education on metaphysics and the New Age.
My understanding and conscious participation in Ascension came later. Part of what brought ascension to my awareness was the state of my health. In the late 1980’s, when many people were dancing to the tunes of the BeeGees and other popular groups, I was living in an isolated ranch in Montana, studying metaphysics and chanting for hours every day. As a result of this ascetic lifestyle, my health became affected. I came down with a heavy bout of influenza, lasting some ten days with a high fever and very little food or water. When I emerged from my bed, I was weak and had lost quite a bit of weight. In fact, I was soon about 115#, a good weight for a model, but thin for my 5’8” frame. I was plagued with constant fatigue and soon experiencing other symptoms, such as a strange toxic headache, where I could not concentrate, swollen glands, the weight loss, sometimes diarrhea, night sweats and chills. No medical doctor could explain what was happening. A few thought I was depressed. I wanted to say that sure I was depressed, but only because my body felt so lousy. After all, I was used to long days of hiking and being outdoors. Due to the work and degree session schedule at the ranch, I was not allowed to have any or much time alone. After about a year of this, I had to leave the ranch. I could no longer tolerate the schedule and soon had to move away.
In time, a doctor finally discovered a diagnosis, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This grouping of symptoms has remained somewhat controversial among the medical profession, simply because it is difficult to treat. What I found was with the intensification of the symptoms, I learned how to listen to my body. I became, I had to become more sensitive to the needs of my body than most people. I have learned to pace myself; if I’m overly tired, I rest. Sometimes I can be quite active and then I get hit with a wall of energy and need to assimilate, rest and sometimes get extra sleep.
Around 2005 or so, I came across one of the first ascension “flu” symptom lists and realized that I had, at one time or another, experienced most of them. And then in reading Denise Le Fay’s work, I realized that what I had been dealing with for years was ascension symptoms. The fatigue, the headaches, the loss and then gain of weight, dizziness, feeling toxic, being overwhelmed at times by emotions (not necessarily my own), having intense but unremembered dreams, experiencing visions and receiving etheric “visitors”; all of these I experienced at one time or another over the past 25 years or so. Ah, so that’s what has been going on, I thought – good!
Once I began to understand what was going on, it became easier for me to concentrate on releasing any remaining fears I had about my future here. I was ascending; it was what I came here to do. As I gained confidence in myself and my purpose, I started feeling more grounded and comfortable in my body. I let go of my issues with being in the third dimension; after all, I had signed on in good faith. Now it was up to me to work through the medium of the body and anchor all the light and love that I could and can in this world.
I’ll never be an activist or go out and protest all the ills that I see happening in the world. To react to the negativity is to give it power. I have and am constantly working on the darkness that remains in me or flows through me. I view it as dispassionately as I can, release it and let it go. All of our bodies are interconnected because, in reality, we are housed in energy fields. What appears to be in front of you and me in the form of a house, street or car, is simply an agreed upon illusion that allows us all to do our work here on the level of polarity.
As we move up in vibration along with the planet, I feel myself being more peaceful and content to be quiet, releasing my concerns about the state of the world. It wasn’t always that way. When I first connected with reading about all of the conspiracy theories, alternative histories and the reality of what was going on in politics, religion, medicine, education and other institutions, I was very angry. I wanted to leave the planet right now. I cried and fretted over the things I was reading until I realized that doing so was not a healthy thing for me. So I gave all that up. Now I barely gloss over headlines; mass media interests me very little. Much of the news published is highly controlled and censored to reflect a mindset that is designed to keep people upset and in fear. I began to realize that the advice given by some spiritual teachers to go within was a valid one. I felt better once I was able to begin to unplug from media, especially television, which has a mesmerizing effect on people. I do watch DVDs of movies on my old television, but even with those I am getting more selective about what I watch. Watching violence and crass humor is not conducive to learning to calm and center in your heart. Also, I have watched a steady deterioration in the type of news that is covered on mass media outlets; much of it is no more than the latest gossip about celebrities and means little to the man or woman on the street.
So, I have been learning that in order to survive as a sensitive person in the third dimension there are certain things you must do. Keep in mind, this is what I have done – it wouldn’t necessarily meet the needs of someone who has a family or a lot of friends. I keep a simple diet, with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. I get a lot of sleep and have begun taking naps on the weekends if I can simply to stay ahead of the energetic changes going on as we come closer to making the shift in the fifth dimension. And I have let go of a lot of expectations about needing to participate in “events” with other people. Sometimes I feel quite at home mixing with strangers, but most of the time I am content taking walks on my own, even going on trips by myself.
I have also learned that ascension for the starseeds and lightworkers often involves transmuting energies through the body, thence the widely divergent energy levels and symptoms that crop up from time to time, sometimes all the time. By accepting this as a matter of course, I have learned to relax more into the process. The energies are not letting up, but I am no longer concerned that it is something to do with my general health. No, I am just doing the work that I came here to do.
I have learned to let go of fear. Fear is widely used to control people and it has taken me qreat courage to do things that some people would consider foolish, like hiking by myself. Frequently I am asked by my friends if I am afraid when I go hiking alone. While I have seen animals sometimes, I have never experienced problems from them. I have encountered moose, bear, elk, deer and coyotes and have felt the presence of cougars watching me. I keep aware of my environment and know when to make noise if it’s appropriate or just to be watchful. I am also respectful of the forest and speak with the elementals present. Also, I have called upon Archangel Michael to protect me when I travel; he is ever present in my consciousness. Years ago, I have even learned to call out to him in my sleep. And so important, is the awareness that I am more than I seem. I am one with my environment. It is a reflection of my inner being; if I am at peace, I will experience peace when I walk in the woods. Of course, occasionally I get a test to see if I am really awake and aware. I was visited one night when camping in a mostly vacant campground by a heavily breathing animal. I didn’t see what it was, but got up, opened my tent door, shined my flashlight around and yelled real loud. Whatever it was, it left quickly and I wasn’t bothered anymore that night. And oddly enough, I wasn’t a bit afraid.
Years ago, I learned various techniques for centering as well as energy work. Periodically, I use Reiki on myself and my animals for a calming and healing effect. Reiki was very helpful in overcoming the effects of grief when I lost a series of relatives and abruptly ended a relationship all within a matter of months. I was overwhelmed and cried for long periods, until I was able to learn some simple Reiki commands and utilize them on myself. Other healing techniques will work just as well; each individual will have to determine what works best for them.
Listening to quiet music is helpful, but often times even music can be distracting. I love the sound of wind blowing through the trees, the rushing flow of a river or the patter of rain on the roof. I also use a fan or air filter at night to cover up vehicular noises coming from a nearby street.
Before I go to bed, I have learned to connect with my light team, my guides and Source. I meditate for a while, relaxing and then can go into my dreams with more purpose. And when I wake, I listen for messages for often I will be visited by angels or other beings who wish to chat with me. Occasionally I will see a vision or experience a sudden understanding on a question that I have been pondering.
There are many ways to deal with being sensitive in the world as it transitions. One way I have learned is to turn ever more inward, centering on my heart, meditating on the three-fold flame therein, connecting with the crystalline heart of the planet and to Source, inviting the presence of my Twin Flame, guides and the angelic legions to be one with me as I sleep.
In the past two years, I have changed quite a lot and feel more at ease today than at any other time in my long sixty-plus years. Although officially an elder, I am stronger physically than many women my own age or younger despite dealing with ascension energies. I haven’t experienced any serious illnesses for years and I do not take any medications. In fact, I rather avoid using the medical system even though I work in health care myself.
In all, I feel that I have been rather successful in learning to cope as a sensitive in our culture, even though it would not appear that way to many people. I simply live as I feel is comfortable for me and release any concerns about how others might view my activities or lifestyle.
Every day I am learning more and more what resonates with me and leaving the rest behind. It is a matter of being you that is most important in the process of learning to accept others. Compassion, self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, humility, courage and grace will hold anyone in good stead as the time for the shift approaches. Heart-centered joy is a good thing to practice, as well as gratitude for what you have, even if it doesn’t entirely meet the expectations of your ego. Gratitude is very important in helping to open the heart.
The Divine Mother, through Linda Dillon, recently spoke of Ascension as being a permanent heart-opening. I for one am looking forward to experiencing life with an open heart. Everything is more joy-filled, relaxed and balanced, and life is filled with endless possibilities and creativity. Sounds good to me!
Wherever you find yourself in the days to come, I send you my blessings and warmest wishes.
I AM your sister in the Light,
Copyright © 2012-19 by Eliza Ayres. All Rights Reserved. Permission is given to copy and distribute this material, provided the content is copied in its entirety and unaltered, is distributed freely, and this copyright notice and links are included. http://www.bluedragonjournal.com/